Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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