Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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