butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
