I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We're too hungover to prance.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
