In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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