think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
