I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
