Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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