and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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