You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
