So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
