I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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