I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
