Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
