i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and she was petting her beer can
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
