woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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