There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
