Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize