I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
