There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
