He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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