What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
