Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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