Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
