cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
