I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
