I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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