Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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