I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
