Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
