Soap is not a condiment
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sober January is a disaster.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
