see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When did angry sex become our thing?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
