Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
