Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Randomize
