i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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