I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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