We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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