So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize