someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
