he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
