I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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