I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
