I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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