So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
