Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
