what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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