i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
