We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
