I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
