awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
