I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
