I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
