the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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