Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
