hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
