Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
COCAINE IS GR8
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