This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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