he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You have to summon your inner elephant
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
