he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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