People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
