I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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