but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
