..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize