We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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