im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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