I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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