I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
