im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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