I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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