Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize