just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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