I am midnight drunk by noon
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
send nudes
from the living room?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
