party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
