thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
