also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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