I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
