dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
