The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
