I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize