Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize