apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
