That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
