even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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