wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
