I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
