i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
