and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
