Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
