Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize