It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
