Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize