thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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