i need an iv and a liver transplant
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
