marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
