go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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