fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
