I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
