Where is the hickey?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
