How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
