You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
