just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
