I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
