I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize