SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
