How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
