Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
