Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
