I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it penis luge time yet?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
