U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
