Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
