Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Randomize
