Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
