so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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